ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
