I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
