I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
