My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
