6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
