exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
