He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Fuck appropriateness.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
