Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
