Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
