dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
