omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
