So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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