Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
where are you?
Hypothermia
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
