I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
