If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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