Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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