i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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