And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
