In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
