Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
