I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Can Purell be used as lube?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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