Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
