Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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