there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Your cock deserves a montage
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
