that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
