Barsexuality is the new black.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
