Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think my moral compass just broke
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
