a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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