Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
