I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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