if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
