i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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