I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
