do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
