You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
