I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
