You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
