You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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