So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He felt like a one man threesome
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
