So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
