I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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