Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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