I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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