i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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