I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
