i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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