it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
