You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
