Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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