i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
